testing testing 123....

healing

it came in september
the inevitable
my brother fell asleep and the angels danced
he was gone
it has been so hard ...and final...
but i promised paul that i would not be sad ..[so hard]
he would not have wanted me that way..this i do know..
there were five rainbows on the day of the funeral and i know he was busy painting the sky..
every time i see one from now on..i will have my chat with him..
healing time now ..as i come out of the grieving labrynth..i do feel strangely different..not bad or awful but i am seeing things in a whole new light...a cleansing.
my lethargy is subsiding and i feel new and creative things stirring..
the summer is almost upon us and the sun is a welcome warmth that penetrates the bones..ahh lovely..
i want to grow things ..i am doing..
i want to watch things happen slowly..i am
i am going to enjoy..i will
i want to love..i am already there
i am not wealthy..i am rich
i can breathe ..i am lucky

the beast

the beast
i haveto excorcise my thoughts
and there is no better way than writing them down..or so they say..
the beast knows no boundaries
it lurks
it destroys
it has no eyes ..no mouth..no ears
it has a deep blackest of black heart
the beast attacks the young,the healthy,the newborn and the infirm
the beast lulls you into a sense of security..thinking that you have tamed it..
then the beast rises and consumes with the most ferociuos speed that you can't catch your breath..
it wins ..the beast claims another ..mother ..brother..husband..child..friend..the list is endless
the beast knows that it will die with its host..but it doesn't stop it..
the beast will always win...in the end...
yes there are miracles.
not in my world
the beast always wins..
in my world
i have the scars to prove it
they are of course invisible to the human eye ..but they are there..
i am not even going to give the beast its real name ..it doesn't deserve it
it deserves nothing
i am calming now as i write
i am processing
i am still waiting for the imminent death of the beast
it will be soon
then my wonderful beautiful life loving brother will be gone....

a blip ...

my life has hit a huge blip...
that is why blogging seemed so insignificant that i just simply didn't want to do it!

but i think and hope that the blip is dissolving and life seems to be getting there..

one thing i know is that my blog does make me finish my creative projects and diarising them is the most kick up the jacksy that i do need..

what does a couple of messy court cases..one 6 yr battle in the family court..one 2 year battle with a scamming nieghbour over a fence...finding out a sibling has a grade4 glioma brain tumor..do to ones life???

you shut down..close ranks..defend at all costs..you retreat into your little cocoon..

but you have to work to pay for all the chain of command ..and my job and dear close friends have pulled me through..the invisible silver thread...

the glue..

they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...yes i agree..but it does leave you with a rotated pelvis and a stress reading of 1158%..

however my pelvis is unrotating as my body and mind are now retracing and the road back isn't as bad as the road forward..

but there has been constancy in my life ..my friends ..family ..work...and my craft

in my solitary solace there have been thousands of stitches knitted ,crocheted and stitched..

wonderful therapy indeed..

now to attack 6 months of stash building...i think i know where i am going??

wowza liberty

everbodies doin it ...

this crochet pattern i mean..

me too ....in very fine yarn indeedy..

enjoyable...hmmn...have to say yes..

and at this time of the year the anticipation of the new liberty arriving is like having an itch that you can't scratch...

so i was looking through my vintagey bits and just had to share this one with you...in virtual space ..you know what i mean..

off to hook some more..

new yarn..

new yarn..yummnn
i love the essence of the search...the hunting down...
and i found these jewels from the northern hemisphere at juno fiberarts..

finished...

was quite pleased with the crochet top from rowan no 47 ..design from a favorite ...marie wallin..

i did change the yarn from rowan summer tweed to a new yarn called revive...

you can see this design in the flesh at calico&ivy...mosman park..

also have put up the 4" squares on my design wall and a bit more fiddling and twiddling before i can join them up...

might have a nana nap this arvo ...26 degrees overnight and a sweltering 38 now ...and high humidity too...

still we do live in oz!!

keep cool ...

160 already and waiting..

feeling pretty good..

16 piles of 10 different liberty lovelies..

160 4" x 4" =one soon to be quilt..

as soon as my sewing machine is discharged from the sewing machine hospital..

i am going to work it's little butt off...

can't wait..

liberty and dog sitting..

not only am i on nana/mum duties for 3 whole weeks as my daughter is on her nurses prac...no 1 son arrived and asked if i would baby...er puppysit overnight??

here is Hurley [extremely cool surf label ] a cross chihauha /maltese ...but i'm sure he is a midget wolf hound??

so i've been cutting out my next project from my liberty stash..i need 160 different 4'' squares.

no mean feat as i am on a whirlwind ..what with the dogs...the kids...the shopping ra ra ra...

but cutting out is a soothing and replenishing pastime

oh and i forgot ..crocheting ....when i do sit down for 10 mins or so...

counting my blessings

i am praying for all the flood victims on the east coast..

but i cannot watch another media frenzy on the subject.

the tragedy strikes through to the core of your being..

but then you start on a spiral of doom and gloom.

so i have donated and have nothing but absolute and total admiration for all the heroes
my mind then becomes confused and mayhem ensues as i try to ask 'why'

can't answer that one..

so what do you do??

i start a new crochet project to heal me...

you cannot think while repeating ...3 treble into next chain space ra ra ra..

so in my little world i am now ..for the moment...choosing to do some crocheting ...to zone out

so blessings to them all wherever and whoever they are...you are not alone...bless

new year ..new paint

what is with the new year and a desire to renew and refresh??

what better way than a new color to enter your life..

peppermint green for the beach shack...

a truly stark contrast to the cerise bougainvillea growing over the side fence...a little touch of the mediterranean....

my promise to me...

happy new year to you all...

2010 definately shook the foundations of my life..

but...

lessons learnt

my promise to me is..

always make time to smell the roses...
breathe ....s.l.o.w.l.y..

always see the good..

grow things...

make things..

and support my sister...who i shall know who she is in about 3-4 weeks..

my sister found from WOMEN FOR WOMEN INTERNATIONAL SPONSERSHIP...

seek and you shall find ...

and i found her ...whoever she maybe..

all i am sure of is this woman maybe a mother daughter wife and sister who has had the most horrendous life due to no fault of her own..

all these horrific pieces of her life have made her a victim of war in her country..

she will probably be a victim of haneous sexual warfare..

i wept when i read the stories ..

i was deeply moved and signed up without a moments hesitation

can't wait to meet you ..whoever or wherever you maybe..

thank you to the universe for sending you to meXXXXX